1) If you could be instantly fluent in one other language that you currently do not read or speak, which would it be?
Dutch so I could live in Amsterdam. Especially if I could teleport there and have the money from winning the lottery (see questions 6 & 13).
2) If you could have the starring role in any film already made, what would it be?
3) If you could receive one small package this very moment, who would it be from and what would be in it?
Winning lottery tickets are very small, but I see that I win the lottery in question 13, so I'll have a large quantity of LSD, which would still be tiny. I'm not actually that pushed about who it came from as long as they were trustworthy.
4) If you could own one painting from any collection in the world but were not able to sell it, which work of art would you select?
5) If you were instantly able to play one musical instrument perfectly that you never have played before, what would it be?
Electric guitar, so I could be in a band!
6) If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be?
7) If you had to choose the most valuable thing you ever learned what would it be?
It's not that easy to win the lottery.
8)If you could have only one piece of furniture in your house, what would it be?
If it was the only bit of furniture I'd better have one of those giant loft beds with a built in sofa and desk and wardrobe and bookcase and...
9) If you could read the private diary of someone you know personally, whose diary would it be?
I'm not sure I'd want to. If I *had* to read someone's private diary I'd probably chose someone with no desire to record their deepest inner thoughts in a diary, like ciphergoth
10) If you could have one person you know as your slave well-paid and cared for domestic laborer for one month, who would it be?
11) If you could choose the way you will die, how would you want it to happen?
Sitting in a chair in the sun, having a snooze, with all my faculties, at the age of 110.
12) If you could wake up tomorrow to learn that the major newspaper headlines were about you, what would you want them to say?
Alison Rowan is right, say world leaders
13) If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do?
Share the news with my flatmates, then start shopping for a house.
14) If you could choose the music at your funeral, what would it be, and who would play it?
Everybody loves you when you're dead - Cop Shoot Cop.
15) If you could take away the vocal cords of any person, who would it be?
Am I allowed to say autopope? 'Cos that would be funny. Although probably I should go for someone more politically useful, like Dubya.
16) If you had to describe your idea of the perfect mate, how would you do it?
Romantic, devoted, rich, intelligent and very, very easy-going.
17) If you had to have a personal friend redecorate your house, who would you pick to do it?
Probably sibelian, because he has excellent taste, and also because he lives there, so he wouldn't want to fuck it up.
18) If you had to choose the worst home you've ever lived in, which one was it?
There was the one with the hole in the wall and the slugs in the kitchen, not to mention the heroin under the floorboards. Yup, that one was pretty grim.
19) If you could have prevented one thing from happening between you and a friend, what would it have been?
20) If you could learn the total number of hours you have spent in your life doing one thing, what would it be?
Do I care? if I wanted to work it out I could do a rough estimate, anyway.
21) If you had to describe yourself as a child in one word, what would it be?
22) If you could own a single prop from any film ever made what would you choose?
The Pleasure Organ from Barbarella, because it would make such a great prop for a fetish club.