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Berketex bride

Well the good news is that feorag is here. The bad news is that she's getting married. I don't know what to say, I really don't...

Comments

purplerabbits
11th Jul, 2002 06:31 (UTC)
I guess you haven't been exposed to my Views on marriage much, have you :-)

Seriously, how is one couple's marriage after ten years of relationship worthy of congratulations, where another couple's merely being together for that long isn't?
the_maenad
11th Jul, 2002 06:39 (UTC)
Jesus, pardon me for breathing.
purplerabbits
11th Jul, 2002 06:41 (UTC)
It's OK, I wasn't trying to bite your head off - hence the smiley... As for the serious bit, it's something I think, but it's certainly not something I get angry about or expect everyone to agree with me over or anything.
the_maenad
11th Jul, 2002 06:47 (UTC)
Argh. Sorry. I am not in a good state of mind today and am hypersensitive to perceived criticism.

I am also not in the right mood for a philosophical argument about why one should support one's friends even if they are doing things one does not wish for oneself. Marriage is by and large a crock, but we mostly need ceremony and ritual in our lives, and if Charlie and Feorag think marriage is a suitable one just as dmwcarol and Gary think handfasting is, who are you or I to say them nay?

Simon and I will never get married, and probably never even get handfasted or have another sort of commitment ceremony, but we reserve the right to have an enormous party at Bicon 2004 to celebrate our tenth anniversary together, and if we do you're invited. I hope our friends would accord no more and no less honour to that form of celebration than a marriage or handfasting.

I'm going to go and lie down, my head hurts again. Except that there's nowhere to lie down in this office. Feh.
ciphergoth
11th Jul, 2002 06:59 (UTC)
A commitment ceremony is a binding between (usually) two parties. In a marriage, it is between three, and the third is the State. I'm not going to go to the State's wedding. I'll be happy to attend its funeral though.
the_maenad
11th Jul, 2002 07:02 (UTC)
Heh heh. Nice point, but since it's currently impossible not to invite the State, like the bad fairy at the christening, there's not much option.

I'll be dancing with you on its grave with equal gusto.
ciphergoth
11th Jul, 2002 07:10 (UTC)
Eh? In what way not possible? As far as ceremonies to mark relationship go, it's possible and you and I know lots of people who've done it. The decision to invite the State is quite deliberate.

Indeed Charlie and feorag are even taking care to marry somewhere that gives a lesser recognition to same-sex partnerships; they've chosen *which* state to invite, on the grounds that Holland is the least worst. Of course it makes no difference; as soon as they return to Britain, it will be the British state that's their new partner.
(no subject) - the_maenad - 11th Jul, 2002 07:11 (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ciphergoth - 11th Jul, 2002 08:01 (UTC) - Expand
djm4
11th Jul, 2002 07:23 (UTC)
Nice point, but since it's currently impossible not to invite the State, like the bad fairy at the christening, there's not much option.

sashajwolf and I are drawing up the invite list for our commitment ceremony at the moment, and the State is conspicuous by its absence from the list.
(no subject) - the_maenad - 11th Jul, 2002 07:55 (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sashajwolf - 11th Jul, 2002 11:26 (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - djm4 - 11th Jul, 2002 23:52 (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ciphergoth - 12th Jul, 2002 01:41 (UTC) - Expand
hfnuala
11th Jul, 2002 07:35 (UTC)
Oh, and the really fun thing about this is it impossible to discuss this honestly without my married friends being insulted.

And that annoys me because I have to accept they are bothered by me not rating marriage but *I* can't be insulted by the fact they obviously think marriage is better than living together long term.
ciphergoth
11th Jul, 2002 06:44 (UTC)
Please send your application in writing, in triplicate, to the usual address. Include a recent signed photograph and two references of good character.
babysimon
11th Jul, 2002 07:15 (UTC)
Web of trust
Paul, you'll never get people to register for BiCon like that.
mhw
11th Jul, 2002 07:28 (UTC)
Re: Web of trust
*giggle* Bad!
djm4
11th Jul, 2002 07:02 (UTC)
Seriously, how is one couple's marriage after ten years of relationship worthy of congratulations, where another couple's merely being together for that long isn't?

I'm not taking that as a given.

I distinctly remember celebrating your ten year anniversary with Paul last Easter. I'm sorry if it wasn't a 'worthy' enough celebration for you but, well, it was your party at your house, so you did kinda set the level yourselves.
hfnuala
11th Jul, 2002 07:18 (UTC)
*nods* This is how I feel about it too - it bothers me that myself and Alex's nearly 6 years together is considered to be less 'commited' than people who get married after knowing each other a year, say.

I think that's why I got into the idea of a commitment ceremony for a while. But then I realised it had all of the social problems that come with a wedding with none of the tax benefits...
the_maenad
11th Jul, 2002 07:23 (UTC)
That's why Simon and I have avoided them so far.