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I'm not pensive, I'm just thinking...

I've been thinking about wildeabandon's thoughts about friends, and wondering how many 'friends' I have as opposed to people I'm friendly with. I don't exactly know how I define 'friend', so this is all rather loose, but I reckon I have:-
  • three partners who I count as my closest friends ever (all male).
  • three friends in Edinburgh who I would go out of my way for whenever they were in distress, whatever else was happening (also all male).
  • a further five or six friends in Edinburgh who I'd be happy to tell my troubles to and would listen to theirs in return, but I don't see them often enough to call them close friends (only two of whom are female).
  • two friends in London who I feel close to (both of whom I've slept with. One I text a lot and one I don't, and I don't know if either would consider me a close friend, but I'd go out of my way for them. (one male, one female)
  • four or five people in London who would be close friends if I lived there but I don't see often enough right now (including two or three women).

I don't know how many of my close friends would consider me a close friend in return, and in some ways itt matters less to me than I'd expect. I also have a whole bundle of female and male acquaintances in Edinburgh, and in the BiCon/Whitby/Londonpolybis crowds, which all overlap in interesting ways. But what this analysis seems to be telling me is that I don't find it easy to get close to women, and that there isn't a single person who I consider a very close friend who I haven't either slept with or want to sleep with. I like shagging friends I guess, at least the once - it seems to help cement a friendship for me...

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
envoy
20th Feb, 2003 08:15 (UTC)
there isn't a single person who I consider a very close friend who I haven't either slept with or want to sleep with. I like shagging friends I guess, at least the once - it seems to help cement a friendship for me...

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. This is one of those things that I think ends up getting me a lot of shit from some people, but I don't really think there's something wrong with it.
dennyd
20th Feb, 2003 08:17 (UTC)
Makes sense to me...
I like shagging friends I guess

Well yeah... if you like someone enough to class them as a friend, why wouldn't you want to sleep with them? (presuming the physical attraction is there)

Friendship is much more important than sex, in my opinion... I've had sex with random strangers in the past, but I wouldn't want to call a random stranger my friend.
dennyd
20th Feb, 2003 08:25 (UTC)
PS: that would be "wildeabandon's thoughts..." rather than "gothsluts thoughts..."

</pedant>
purplerabbits
20th Feb, 2003 08:29 (UTC)
Fixed, ta.
(Deleted comment)
ex_pipistre
20th Feb, 2003 09:50 (UTC)
hmmn, i don't know if i really have any close friends except neal..i'm not a very friendly person- i've never really had friends other than my animals..
i do, however, have lots of acquaintances/less close friends, for the first time in my life. this is somewhat scary, as i am 'horrible friendless girl'. erm.
lilitufire
20th Feb, 2003 11:08 (UTC)
Hmm. I think I have 5 friends I'd drop everything for now.

2 here in Edinburgh, fairly recent friends.

1 in Glasgow, a friend from Uni.

2 from school, one in Leicester, one in South Africa.

Two out of those I've had sexual feelings for too. I do find, however, that my relationships do tend to start off as friendships, then become sexual. What I haven't seen happen as yet is a relationship to stay in my "true friend" bracket after it has ended. I think I need to keep my distance a little more than that sort of friendship allows. Friendly, yes, more than acquaintances, certainly, if they want that. But the distance is still there.

I've also got a circle of friends who I do value and appreciate, and show parts of myself too, but for some reason have never stepped into the true friend category. I think in parts that's due to whether they've been there for me in a bad situation. Once a friend has proven themselves in that way, I tend to be intensely loyal, but if a friend lets me down, I tend to back off.

I don't know if you read Sally (winterthing's) LJ? She wrote an interesting piece on circles of friends a few months back. I don't know if it's filtered or not. Poke me sometime and I'll try to find it for you if it's public.
sashajwolf
20th Feb, 2003 23:58 (UTC)
what this analysis seems to be telling me is that I don't find it easy to get close to women, and that there isn't a single person who I consider a very close friend who I haven't either slept with or want to sleep with

I'm a bit like that, too. I have been close with people I didn't want to sleep with, but the closeness hasn't lasted.
djm4
21st Feb, 2003 01:54 (UTC)
I've no idea if I'm anywhere on that list (and it doesn't matter all that much to me either) but, for the record, I'd go quite a long way out of my way for you and ciphergoth. And I do mean further than Luton airport, if the situation arose. ;-)
ciphergoth
21st Feb, 2003 16:12 (UTC)
But not as far as the Moon? :-)
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )