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Nobody gets out of this alive

Rar! I made it into the top ten most dangerous list with my weapons of mass destruction.


  • infinite penguins
  • 666 l33t hax0r d00dz
  • A bevy of rugby fans in drag
  • Jelly's kitchen (Donated by Health and Safety Office)
  • a set of alarming nutters shouting under your enemies windows at 4.00am
  • a hundred trouser legs full of ferrets
  • atack bosom with semi-automatic nipples
  • 27 attack spinners out of Frosties packets (Donated by cereal killer)
  • a pair of giant exploding shoes with spikes (Donated by the Goth Shoe Bomber)
  • a suitcase nuke so you can be the biggest baddest motherfucker in the world (Donated by Uzbekistan)
  • my cold germs (Donated by Lucy)
  • A full 12-slot Pope dispenser
  • A supply of young, attractive, vaguely talented, ruthlessly ambitious showbiz idols
  • A small brain, a reconizable face, and a deep compelling voice
  • A superficially egalitarian but substantially elitist ideology
  • A DNA printer attached to a powerful computer
  • my nephew
  • a million faffing bisexuals (Donated by Nuala)
  • Jagged-edged (especially at the nose) picture discs of all Barry Manilow's singles and albums (Donated by DurAnorak)
  • 100 x Jack Chick Tracts against Catholicism (Donated by Barnabus the Talking Ocelot)
  • useless hippy boss (er, thanks...)
  • Steam-powered semi-automatic chipmunk trebuchet (Donated by mrph)
  • An insecure middle-aged male with a huge advertising budget (Donated by Pavlos)
  • Brainstorming meetings with Ros
  • Management Consultants (Donated by ducklofty)
  • Insidious sexually transmitted viruses which turn the victim both bisexual and very very very horny (Donated by Envoy)
  • 1000 really *obsessional* earworms (Donated by Kay)
  • Source code to Microsoft Windows for Warfare 2007 Aircraft Carrier Edition (as installed on the USS Ronald Reagan) (Donated by Charlie Stross)
  • An army of evil lemmings (Donated by ciphergoth)
  • Entire class of primary school children (Donated by Feòrag)
  • Tactical glowy things for your headband (half-life: 5 hours) (Donated by Jenni Softfruit)
  • A large pot of glitter.,.. (Donated by Steve)
  • Large tins of Tescos Value Mushy Peas for Gas Attacks



You can still donate more fire power - who else would you trust with these fearful inventions? Help me maintain my precarious place in the Axis of Evil...

Donate Weapons of Mass Destruction